Writers Strike...out.

Hey all.  I know this may sound insensitive to all those involved, but Jesus Christmas just settle the damn writers strike already!  I came home last night after a busy hockey game at Sterbs and I wanted to enjoy the sweet drug that is new episodes of Network and Cable TV Shows,  and all I had on the box were 3 old (and will never be watched) episodes of Women's Murder Club and 1/3 of this weeks Amazing Race.  Damn the NFL for running long and making me have to look at Andy Rooneys fat face!  Just so you know, I have 4 DVR's and I give everything a chance, hence the Women's Murder Club.   This strike is getting completely ridiculous for a number of reasons.  

First Reason - The real losers = America

There are people who bust their asses all day long just so they can come home, have dinner with their families, and kick back in the La-Z-Boy and take in some of the poor timing and butchered comedic stylings of one James Belushi.  These people need this.  They have to go back to the jobs and co-workers they hate the next day and the only thing that is letting get rid of some of that pent up anger is TV.  I am sorry but new episodes of "Which midget will you Marry" will not release that aggression.  I know my friends and I love September-May, because TV can be amazing.  Even better than the movies.  I would watch 2 new episodes of Lost before any new movie release... no contest.  As long as the greedy executives and the pimply-faced pajama wearing overweight writers can't agree, America Loses.

Second Reason - The next Loser = My Friend Josh Carson (this is a selfish reason to end a strike, I know.)

Josh moved out to LA to become a writer and then the strike happened.  He is now completely screwed.  He has no money, so he has to get a temp job that he could have gotten here and paid much lower rent.  He can't work as a writer or he is then labeled a scab and will never be able to write when the strike is settled.  This all results in Josh being mopey and whiny, which we who love him, know that he gets this way.  Josh is very funny and writes a great blog, but we lose, because when he's like this he's not funny and then he writes blogs pondering his existence and everybody reads them and pukes on the keyboards of their Macs and VAIOs and there is a lot of cleanup involved.  Plus I have waited to see him as an extra on "Desperate Housewives" for a month.  How many episodes can you have about one Tornado??

Last Reason - Its pretty Unsolvable

The wants of the writers and producers is a very complicated problem.  I have a hard time believing that is will get solved quickly.  The writers want a cut of internet revenue, but the problem is, nobody can put a number on what that amount is.  The argument to just give them a percentage is valid, but we know that the AMPTP didn't get to where they were by giving away percentages of an amount that no one knows how large it is.  Quite the paradox.  I have a suggestion...  President Bush goes before the legislature presenting "The Jack Bauer Bill"  It will declare that enough is enough and 24 must be on FOX by no later than February 1st.

So here's the plan.  Nick Counter, put out the cigar, shower of the massage oil, tell your driver to bring the Maibock around front and get to the table.  Patrick Verrone, take off the PJ's its 1:30 PM, put on some respectable clothing, doesn't have to be a suit, that would be too painful for you.  Take of the ball cap, comb your hair, hop on the razor scooter, fold it up and meet Nick at the table.  Now both of you, agree to disagree and shake hands.  Everyone will forgive you once they find out that the kids in "How I met your mother" wake up and realize they don't have a mom and they are adopted because Ted Moseby is so obviously gay.  

The only good thing that has happened for anyone in this strike is that the pasty white pizza eating writers are actually taking in sunlight and getting exercise on the picket lines.

Have a great NYE.

JZ

Hedberg - 

"My Friend asked me if I wanted a frozen banana.  I said no, but I want a regular banana later... so yeah."

Welcome to the Blogosphere, bitch!

Hello....  this is weird for me.  I have never been an internet person.  I don't "Myspace" or "Facebook" and I also think it's strange that those are usable verbs in the English Language. 

I overheard this at the Sterbs not long ago:  

Waitress to bartender - "Do you myspace?"

Bartender - "No, but I facebook."

Waitress - "Cool, but I can't believe you don't Myspace."

As this was going on, one of our 60 year old regulars was looking at them like they were both from Melmac and they were about to dig into a nice meal of cats.  (sorry for the obscure Alf joke)  Although, I followed the conversation it was a bit irregular. 

Anyways, back to the point, I am not very internet savvy, but I do dabble in the blogosphere.  I have several close friends who write frequent blogs and I really enjoy reading them.  (links available) One of my many New Years resolutions is to keep a journal so that I can remember my life in a few years.  I have a good short term memory but not a great long term one.  I always get frustrated when my friends talk about grade school like they are still being yelled at by the playground lady to "GETUP AGAINST THE WALL!" and I can't remember half of how the stories go, even though I lived them.  I figured a journal will fix this, and I figured a blog is a good way to share my journal with my friends and whomever wants to read.  As a side note, like my friend JB, I still hang out with a lot of my high school friends so this will be laden with inside jokes.  

So, I feel ok, that I almost have my first blog in the books.   Since I am new to this world, please give me some tips on how to not suck it up in the future.  Thanks for reading and now I feel vulnerable.

-JZ

I will end every blog with a joke from my favorite comedian, Mitch Hedberg, who died recently.  Not only to spread the genius, but also to keep his memories alive.  So, as promised:

"As a comedian, you have to start strong and end strong.  You can't be like pancakes; when you start eating, they are great, but by the end you're fuckin sick of them."